Maybe, this ‘okay’ is going to be my ticket for the screening.
Okay, John Green, okay.
"I’ve been losing sleep over you again.
I’ve been hearing things in my dreams:
Metal against bone,
Bone against concrete,
Our old songs pouring out from cracks in the sidewalk.
I can’t believe I have to be here,
While you’re not here with me.
What was it like? Were you scared? Did you know?
Why didn’t you tell me?
Why didn’t you tell me?
I couldn’t tell you how many times (how many years)
I’ve spent my nights trying to claw this out of my mind.
But now I’ll undo all the stitches,
Jump off all these bridges,
Try and break every bone
So I will not forget the way you hurt.
That’s how I will keep you alive
Keep you a fresh wound in the flesh,
Keep itching at my veins right below my wrist.
Trying to ignore circumstance and death and now
I haven’t come to terms with it yet,
Be it 8 years since:
I can still see the hospital bed,
See where you lay.
I can see the EKG,
See you gasping on the edge.
Hear the whirring of your lungs
As they try to spit out last words,
Just as they spit out your last breath.
God damn it I swallowed my tongue right when
The sound of machines went still.
Your body turned into a time capsule of memories.
So there I sat, next to your hospital bed,
Your hand in my hand
Feeling the cold come in.
I feel you leave every winter.
Last summer I drank for the first time.
Every drop in my mouth scorned my throat and my stomach
Because all I could think about was the alcohol on his breath,
All I could feel was the hood breaking your ribs.
All I could do was sit there in silence as you wheezed out your goodbye.
All I can do now is cry.
I listened to “27,” twenty-seven times,
Do you think that’s enough to bring you back to life?
I never even got a gravestone to forget you by
And they say I could have never loved
Someone when I was so young
But everybody has a piece of your smile,
I see you shine in everyone else’s eyes.
To recite these lines like they could
But it seems like I’ll find you
In every person I’ll ever come to love.
It seems like now I’ll end up drunk on the weekends
Hoping your image will stay off the back of my skull.
I don’t know where you are (stay happy there)
But I know where I am (and I am not happy here.)"
"Today I Cried To A Title Fight Song" - Nishat Ahmed
This took me two hours to write. I had to take a break twice because I got too emotional. I don’t know if this is a poem or a song…
If you’ve ever lost someone, in anyway, don’t listen to “27” by Title Fight. Punch yourself in the gut instead, it feels the same way.
"When the sky withered
And the earth bled into mud,
Why did you leave me?"
— "You’re Not Supposed To Title Haikus But You’re Also Not Supposed To Leave When Someone Needs You Most" - Nishat Ahmed (via sickwithsyllables